


If only you lived

by Woozi_gets_woozi42



Category: Danganronpa
Genre: Dirty Talk, Help, Intimacy, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mondo cries, Murder, Sadness, Sexual Intercourse, Suicidal Thoughts, accidental murder tho, friend support, love filled sex :), open ending (kinda), sad boy hours, self deprecation, this took me a few hours
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:35:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26061259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woozi_gets_woozi42/pseuds/Woozi_gets_woozi42
Summary: In this, mondo doesn't kill Chihiro on purpose, they happened to be working out together and mondo drops the dumbbell, killing Chihiro instantly. He got away with this crime, pinning it on genocide jack, but that didn't make him happy.He got away with accidental murder but lost the love of his life.There's a lot of topics in this that may make people uncomfortable so keep this in mind:MurderSuicidal thoughtsMental health problemsSexual IntercourseSelf deprecationAlso this was originally on Wattpad and I just kinda copied and pasted so please mind the little Wattpad note at the end.
Relationships: Fujisaki Chihiro/Oowada Mondo
Comments: 7
Kudos: 18





	If only you lived

In the beginning we didn't know each other. He was brand new to me. 

Although he was brand new, I felt as if I had knew him for an eternity.

He was beautiful, his brown hair, big light brown eyes, pale skin, everything about him made me smile, especially his beautiful heart.

Chihiro Fujisaki.

Just saying his name made me shiver, Made me laugh, made me love. 

That name alone gave me so many emotions and things I didn't even know how to express prior. 

He opened me up, really looked at me. 

I had meaning whenever he acknowledged me, and that's all I had ever wanted.

He made me look at myself, to realize that I was more than just a stupid muscle head that did more talking with my fist than with my actual mouth.

He taught me kindness.

He taught me grace and gentleness. 

He taught me how to be strong, something that I lacked no matter how many muscles I had. Something he had no matter how skinny he might've been on the outside. 

Chihiro Fujisaki was a blessing in my life, the only person I could fully lean on and tel my deepest darkest secrets to.

Before we knew each other I walked aimlessly, angry at the world. 

I was ready to throw myself into any fight that went my way, just to let off steam from my built up anger. 

I didn't know how to resolve it any other way at the time. 

One day he just came up to me and asked for directions. 

"Excuse me sir". He said to me.

I replied "What the fuck do you want".

Not the best response at the time I admit, I couldn't control my anger or my Profanity. 

Yet he seemed unfazed, although a bit shocked, rather composed and it intrigued me.

"Do you know to to get to this place"?

He showed me his phone which was almost dead, made sense why he was asking for directions.

He started talking a bit about the place as if you jog my memory but I wasn't looking at the map.

I found myself staring at his lips as he spoke, his eye lashes, his skin, I just stared at his immense beauty and was enlightened with a sense of bliss. 

"So can you help me"? He asked, waiting for me to give him the directions he originally asked me for.

"Im not too sure how I can give you directions little lady, but I can take you there".

He nodded his head and said to lead the way. At the time I didn't know he was a boy so I called him a little lady. 

Chihiro and I always used to think back on that and laugh with each other. 

At the time I lead him because I wanted to stay with him a bit longer. I had  
Never met anyone so beautiful and found myself drawn to that beauty.

Once we got to his destination he thanked me but as he was about to leave I took a leap of faith. 

"Hey, if you don't mind, what's your name"? I wasn't sure where I had polite in me but it was starting to show, at a great time too. 

"My name is Chihiro Fujisaki, and you"?

"My name is Mondo Owada". 

"Nice to meet you Mondo Owada, it was wonderful meeting you, I have to go though. I have a seminar for my coding class today and it starts soon."

I smiled at him and then internally panicked because I remembered I had no way I could reach out to him. 

"Hey Chihiro one more thing".

He looked back at me  
Puzzled.

"Can I have your phone number"?

He slowly handed his phone over, I typed in my number and called it so I had his and handed his phone back.

"Call me whenever you'd like, just not today because my seminar, again it was really nice meeting you".

"Bye"!

I felt like something in me had changed.

Something in my heart felt warm, warmer than it had ever been.

I wasn't used to this feeling but it felt good, I assumed it was because of Chihiro. 

\- - - - - - - - - - 

The next day I called Chihiro and we spoke. We spoke about who we were as people, what we liked, disliked, what jobs we had, we just learned about each other all day. Then that night he asked me "do you want to go get dinner together"? 

I immediately said yes.

Dinner wasn't fancy, we got Italian food and ate it under the stars, but being with him made it all the more special.

That night we held hands for the first time, we had  
Many other first after that. 

We started dating not to long after our dinner together, I think he felt the connection that I did when we first met and it made my heart swell  
With happiness. 

I came to his house way too often, just as we kissed way too often. It felt weird if he wasn't there to keep me  
Company. I always missed him so much.

\- - - - - - - - - - 

One day I was at his apartment we were both relaxing. I remember him telling me he wanted to take a shower before we had a serious talk, I thought he was going to break up with me, I was scared.

Eventually I stopped thinking about that and watched tv.

I forgot he was in the shower and went to use the bathroom.

As I walked into the cloudy bathroom I remembered that he was showering but as I was about to walk out I saw him.

He was completely naked, and what I saw was a boy, not the girl I thought I had been dating. 

Chihiro's face went instantly red as he reached for a towel to quickly rap around himself. 

I was in a state of shock. I could feel the red burning my face, it was all too much. In the months we had been dating at this point, we had never been intimate. 

I never really questioned it, let him go at his own pace. But I think I now knew why he wanted to wait. 

When I snapped myself out of shock, I went the the living room, sat on the couch, and turned the tv back on.

At the time I was having such a big crisis about my sexual orientation but after a bit of thinking, I realized I didn't love Chihiro because he was a "girl". I loved him for him, every single thing about him. Every small detail, just everything. 

Just because he was male wouldn't stop Me from loving him with all my heart.

When he came out of the bathroom you could tel he was scared and shy. 

He probably didn't want to let me know he was male yet, he probably thought I would reject him after I found out that fact. Of course I never did. 

"Hi Mondo" he said as he looked down at the floor.

I could tel my baby was holding in his tears, he had nothing to cry for.

"Chihiro-"

"You don't have to say anything, I already know you want to break up with me".

With that statement he actually did start crying. He couldn't hold back the sobs that echoed throughout the apartment.

I felt like such a horrible boyfriend. 

"Chihiro come here please, sit next to me".

He came and sat next to me reluctantly, he probably thought I would be angry. 

"Baby, why are you crying"?  
I asked him softly.

"Aren't you going to break up with me"?

He was sobbing to the point where I could barely make out what he was saying but I understood and was ready to let him know that wasn't the case. 

"Chihiro, I love you, I love you more than anybody else in this whole world, your gender doesn't matter to me. I wish you would've told me earlier yes, but it wouldn't have made a difference. I fell in love with Chihiro Fujisaki. The person you are, not the gender you are".

He was still crying but this time tears of joy. 

"Thank you for being my boyfriend Mondo". He said in between tears. 

I laughed at him a bit. 

"There's no need to thank me sweetheart, you're the best boyfriend I could ever ask for".

That night we kissed a lot, and I held him close to my heart as we slept. 

He opened up to me more about his cross dressing, I opened up to him about my family, the night was full of tears and cuddles. 

\- - - - - - - - - - 

A good 2-3 months later. It was our first time being intimate. Because we had waited so long until we were both physically and mentally prepared, we never knew how to do anything, how it even started. Then on one particular day it just happened. 

I had come home from the motorcycle shop I owned and went straight to the shower. I was dirty from testing out/fixing bikes all day, grease and mud stained everywhere.

When I got out the shower Chihiro was home, he looked as beautiful as ever. 

He had recently graduated and worked as a programmer for a video game company, I couldn't be more proud of him. 

"Chihiro, the shower is free". 

He smiled and ran towards me, engulfing me in a bone crushing hug. 

"I missed you so much".

I kissed his adorable forehead and told him to go shower while I cooked.

We still had to go grocery shopping so I just made us homemade burgers with homemade French fries. 

Sometimes fast food was okay if it was made at home. 

When he got out the shower my jaw almost dropped.

He wore the most adorable little black shorts with a huge shirt on, I almost didn't see the shorts at all.

I wanted to give him a big hug, so I did and I carried him to the dinner table.

He giggled as I put him down and began eating. 

Mid bite he said thank you and it made me laugh. Adorable little squirrel cheeks. 

After eating and cleaning the mess we both went to the room to relax. At this point we had been together basically a year and decided to live together. I was always at his house anyway so it felt right. Best decision I ever made.

We laid down next to each other just looking at the ceiling where our lamp projected the galaxy. There were tiny starts and big planets all surrounded by never ending space, beautiful, but not as beautiful as the person next to me.

"I love you", Chihiro suddenly said to me. 

I immediately responded, "I love you too". 

He sat up to look at me in my eyes and smiled. I sat up too and hugged him.

(Sexual content warning ⚠️) (If you want to skip then wait till you see the next ⚠️)

Our faces were so close together, so I closed the gap between our lips and kissed him lightly. When I pulled back his eyes were still closed so I went in again, and again, and again, until his lips were swollen. 

"You can French kiss me you know, it's okay".

I didn't know my boundaries with him yet, we had never gone past light kissing and I didn't want to overwhelm him and give him too much all at once. 

He saw my mental gears turning and reassured me again. 

"Mondo, it's really okay, I promise, I want you to".

With that I went in.

I licked his bottom lips slightly to test the waters, he pulled back a bit at first but let me continue. 

I licked his bottom lips again harder and proceeded to put my tongue into his mouth. 

It was such a wonderful kiss, I felt so close to Chihiro, it felt so much more intimate. I was on cloud 9.

When we both pulled back his eyes were filled with lust as he looked straight into mine.

"I know this may sound a bit weird but I looked up how we could have sex together and I actually cleaned myself out in the bathroom".

At first I didn't understand what he meant but once I got it I blushed heavily, he was just a tomato at that point. 

I kissed his button nose, and then on the lips lightly. 

"We don't have to rush, if you aren't ready it's okay".

He looked at me with lust in his eyes once more and whispered into my ear, "I'm ready".

I couldn't hold back anymore.

My beautiful boyfriend now laid under me. He looked into my eyes as I went to down to kiss him again, more passionately than before. I started to trail down his neck and leave him kisses everywhere, he moaned my name and squirmed under my touch, it made me happy that I could make him feel this way. 

Slowly but surely I took off his clothes, and when it was time for his underwear you could tell he panicked a little bit. 

"Is this okay"? 

I asked as I tugged his underwear down slightly. 

He nodded yes and I took his underwear off completely. 

His dick standing up to his belly made him blush. I was just happy I could turn him on so much.

I stripped myself naked so he would feel so left out and went onto more foreplay. 

I kissed and sucked his nipples to see if he had an sensitivity there, and he didn't have much.

I started checking area after area to find his sweets spots that would give him upmost pleasure. 

It was adorable to me but it turns out it was his belly button. I kissed his belly button and he immediately shivered, I knew I had found the right place. I kissed, licked, played with it, and Chihiro was leaking precum and crying with pleasure. 

To make him feel even better I started giving him a blowjob.

He was so surprised he choked a little on his moan but kept moaning after wards anyway.

He was so close but I didn't want him to cum yet, I wanted to make love to him. Show his just how much I love him, how much he means to me, how much he's changed my life. 

I took the lube that had been waiting on the bed side table and opened it and warmed it with my fingers. 

"Chihiro I'm doing to start peeping you down here okay".

"I'm ready for you Mondo".

I didn't waste any time. I started with one finger slowly working it's way in and out of Chihiro, when I saw he was visibly relax and adjust to the finger, I would push it in a bit deeper, and when that finger got to it's deepest, I would add one more finger.

At this point there were 3 fingers working their way out of Chihiro as deep as they could go and Chihiro was a mess. 

I found his spot and he started crying and moaning my name. Once he said he was close I pulled out my fingers and he whined about feelings empty. 

I grabbed a condom and Chihiro pushes it away. 

"I want to feel you inside me, and have your cub staining my insides."

That turned me on even more, I could feel my dick get even harder than before. 

I put lube on my dick and rubbed it up and down before aligning myself in front of chihiro's hole. 

"Are you ready love"? I asked him and he took my hand into his.

"Make love to me".

I gently pushed in and he whined at the sudden intrusion into his body.

I pushed in further little by little and once I was fully in I stayed still to let Chihiro get used to my size and something being inside him. 

I ask him if he was okay. 

He replied, "Please move".

So I did.

I pushed in and out of him slowly at first, dragging myself against his walls. 

Then I picked up the pace and looked for the spot that would make him see stars. When I found it and screamed. I continued to ram myself into that part of his insides. 

"Give me next babies Mondo, I want your babies"!!

I had never heard Chihiro say something like that, nor did I know he was into that but it turned me on so much more. I continued to move in and out building up a rhythm and making him sing continuously as if he were in a choir. 

Before I knew it we were both nearing our climax.

"Mondo Mondo"! Chihiro screamed as he was nearing his end.

"I know me too", I picked him up and that out him in a sitting position. That made him fun instantly, since my dick pushed up even further into his due to the new position. 

I kept thrusting and not to long after Chihiro, I came.

Chihiro was sensitive after his orgasm so as I was lightly thrusting and still cumming inside him, he was a bit jumpy. 

I laid him back down and slid out of him, only to see my cum slowly drip from his asshole, it made me wants to make love to him again. I wished in that moment that I could actually give him a baby. 

He seemed to have the same idea as me because we went again, and again. 

When we finished the sheets were cum stained. 

Chihiro had so much cum in him he had a stomach ache. 

(You can start reading again here if you skipped the sex ⚠️). 

After the adventurous night we had together we cleaned each other up and cuddled. 

I don't think either of us knew what time it was, we just laid there together, radiating in each others body heat. 

I loved this boy so much my heart felt like it would explode. 

\- - - - - - - - - - 

2 and a half years and tragedy struck. A tragedy I would never forgive myself for, something I wish I had never done.

I killed my boyfriend that one I was and still am deeply in love with, and it hurt.

So badly.

We went to the gym, Chihiro told me he wanted to start exercising and get stronger, of course I supported him wholeheartedly. 

He originally wanted to get a personal trainer but I told him he could just use me since I exercised way too often to stay in shape, plus I didn't want the possibility of another buff guy alone with my baby Chihiro for a few hours. Thinking back, I wish he opted for the personal trainer. 

This gym was located in the basement of our apartment building so it made our lives a lot easier rather than having to get a gym membership and pay to go somewhere else. 

We were exercising and working hard together. 

Chihiro seemed happy to be going through with something he had set his sights on for so long, I was happy I was here to accomplish it with him. 

This is when tragedy struck.

I was using two dumbbells for my arms currently when I felt Chihiro come up next to me and tell boo. I was so shocked because I didn't expect him, (I was in concentration mode), that I dropped the dumbbells. 

At first I thought nothing had happened, but then I heard him fall and I panicked.

I kept moving him to try and wake him up and asking him if he was okay. Then blood poured from the wound on his head and I started to cry. 

I was afraid to take his pulse, afraid to know for sure what I had done to the love of my life. But I had to, it was the only way to know if I could save him. 

When I felt his neck my heart dropped. 

There was no pulse.

At first I thought I missed it and tried to take his pulse from his wrist, then his neck again, I just kept switching.

Nothing, my baby was dead.

The person I loved with all my heart was gone.

The person I planned on spending my life with, laid dead in front of me, killed instantly but the dumbbell I stupidly dropped.

All I could do was cry. I sat there crying and sobbing over his body, praying for a miracle, oraying for anything to keep him alive and of course nothing happened. 

What I had done was irreversible. 

I killed Chihiro Fujisaki.

Suddenly the gym door swung open and I sat there ready for the police to take me away.

I genuinely believed I deserved to rot in hell. I didn't want to keep on living if it wasn't with him.

The person who walked in, was my best friend Taka. 

To say his face was shocked was an understatement.

He asked me what happened and I explained through my sobbing.

He more or less understood the horrible deed I had done. 

I cried harder after saying it out loud. It was like me accepting that I really did just kill my boyfriend.

Taka wanted to help me get away with it but I told him no, I wanted to get caught and be sentenced to death. 

I didn't want to be alive, Chihiro was all I wanted to be happy.

Taka called Naegi and Byakuya to take me upstairs and I complied because staring at Chihiro wasn't helping me cry less, I forcibly pulled myself away from the body, walking upstairs with my two other friends and letting Taka take care of the rest, not knowing what he had in store.

Later on I found out that Genocider Jack was sentenced for killing Chihiro. 

Taka told me Byakyua gave him the idea and although the police suspected me, there was no evidence I was there because Taka was my alibi and so were Naegi and Byakuya. 

Since Chihiro was actually a boy and the style of the murder seemed to be Genocider Jack's style, they convicted them easily and once they caught them (after months of looking), sentenced them to death. 

After Chihiro was gone, I didn't want to do anything. Taka had to look over my Bike shop because I physically couldn't do anything. 

I barely ate, barely slept, the only thing I thought about was Chihiro. 

At some point I tried to kill myself numerous times, I believed I would get to see him again, even if I got to stare at him from hell being happy up above, it was better than living my life without him completely. I was just, broken. 

Taka took care of me, got me therapy, took me to a hospital for my mental illness but nothing would take Chihiro out of my mind. 

At the time I'm talking about my boyfriend, I'm currently in Taka's house. I just came back from spending a few weeks in the mental hospital. 

I was still sad, I was stil coping.

I didn't know how to live without him, and I felt even worst since I'm the one who killed him. 

It haunted me each and everyday. 

Then one day Taka seemed to have had enough of me.

"Listen Mondo, it's almost been 2 years, I know you miss him, I know you feel guilty, but maybe it's time to take a step towards moving on. You don't have to start dating but at least go back to work so you have other things to think about."

He was nice about it but I knew he was just tired of taking care of me. I would be too. 

But I took his advice. 

I stayed started living with him because the apartment I shared with Chihiro was just too much for me to handle, everytime I walked in I sobbed. Taka has to take care of my things for me Naegi took care of Chihiro's things for me. 

I wanted his stuff but I knew seeing anything that belonged to him would make me sad all over again. 

Naegi promised not to throw it out for when I was ready to see it again.

Of course I could never forgive myself, and never expect Chihiro in heaven to forgive me, so no matter how much better I got in terms of mental health, I was never truly happy. 

I felt the way I didn't before I met him, lost, confused, angry, and I hated it so much. 

But to me I deserve this, because I killed such a beautiful boy who had his entire life ahead of him. 

Everyday I think about what could have went differently, he would have still been alive if I didn't let go of the stupid dumbbells. M

This last for a long time, at this point it was now a good 4 years after Chihiro's death, and I still wasn't okay, not that I deserved to be anyway. But I was a lot better.

Naegi sat me down to speak to me. What I thought was going to be a long conversation turned into no words at all.

I looked at him confused but he just slid over a box and told me to look at what was inside. 

There was a ring, and a note. 

I could feel myself starting to get emotional.

"Dear my love Mondo,  
Hey! I'm currently terrified to give this to you because I'm not sure what you'll say But I want to spend my life with you. I'm ready to commit to you forever and always, of course you won't ever see this note because it's just me kind of ranting to myself about my feelings and aspirations but I love you. I love you more than anything in this world, you are my world, I revolve around you. I hope the day I give you this ring, or maybe you'll ask me first who knows, but when I give this to you, you're also ready to spend your life with me. I couldn't possibly think of anyone that I love more, someone who deserves my affection, my time and apart of my life. Thank you so much baby, I can't wait to propose to you.  
Love your boyfriend Chihiro.

Ps. You're actually calling me down stairs to except is right now, thank you for offering to be my trainer you big meathead. <3

\- - - - - - - - - - 

I was sobbing, crying harder than I ever had before, feeling that horrible feeling of despair that I had previously. 

Naegi just came around the table and hugged me. Then he gently kissed me on the forehead as if reassuring me that everything was going to be okay.

At that moment is sunk in, he was really gone, he wasn't going to show up at my door one day, and it was all my fault.

Even tho he was gone, I promised myself I would think about his everyday, and live with him as my ambition to survive. 

I missed him so much, I wanted him back, but there was nothing I could do but live. 

I thanked my friends for all their help and decided to move out of that apartment building entirely. 

I moved from Japan to California, a big jump but I needed something new, something to help me feel a bit less empty inside. 

My friends were scared for me but helped me nonetheless. 

I was on my own out here.

As I walked down Santa Monica pier in the moonlight a stranger came up behind me and poked my back. I was surprised to I moved forward quite a bit before turning around. 

When I turned the stranger started speaking Japanese, he looked familiar. 

"Hey, I'm fucking lost, can you help me"? 

For a second, I saw Chihiro in him, the personality was completely different, the hair, the eyes, (the weird suit), the only thing similar was the height. 

He reminded me of how Chihiro and I first met. 

"Sure you make a right and then go straight till you see ocean Ave then make a left, it should be right there."

"Thank you dude, I was so fucking lost, I just moved here from Japan and I didn't know where my apartment was at".

"No problem just be careful". 

I turned around about to walk back but he stopped me. 

"Hey, what's your name"? 

"Mondo Owada, what's yours"? 

"Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu, nice to meet you. If possible could I maybe have your number? You seem like a really cool guy, I'd like to get to know you better".

I felt dizzy, was this a test? 

I looked down into the water and there I swear I saw Chihiro smiling up at me. His mouth formed the word "go" and I understood immediately what he was trying to tell me. 

"Sure here's my number".

I knew everything was going to be okay. 

So uh, hi? I wrote this whole thing in one sitting, it took a few hours, but Wattpad was being weird so I didn't wanna close it out and lose all my progress. It's 100% not proof read because this is the longest thing I've ever written in one chapter. My eyes hurt and my fingers hurt. Thank you for reading this, if you ever want me to write a one shot of your favorite Danganronpa pairing lmk! Just message me, I always reply (even if it takes a bit). I'll do anyone except the V3 characters since I haven't played the game yet. No spoilers please I'll be upset >_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading this! On Wattpad it got no love at all so I posted it here hoping more people could appreciate my work, thank you!


End file.
